The NFL released the 2012 season schedule tonight in a totally absurd 3 hour special that isn't even half over as I write this and everybody has already looked at their team's entire schedule and moved onto watching baseball, NBA, or playoff hockey.
Here's how I see the schedule playing out.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Jersey Shore Power Rankings Season 5 Week 9
A combination of vacation, laziness, and a broken laptop have prevented me from doing these the last few weeks. My computer is still broken, and I'm still lazy, but I ran out of money so no more vacation for a while. Should be a back on a regular schedule again. Speaking of regular schedules, you know what's off it's regular schedule now? Snooki's menstrual cycle. (GROSS)
1. Snooki (2) - As it turns out, Snooki is all kinds of knocked up. This girl, who has been seen inslopsicated, getting arrested and hooking up with every douchebag on the Eastern Seaboard over the last 3 years is pregnant. We're talking about a girl who was taking SoCo in a gatorade bottle to work with her, and has frequently been known to leave work to go to the bar. And now she is growing another human inside her. I can't imagine how poor Jionni must feel, sitting next to his now pregnant fiance and watching her whore around all over the place on national tv.
1. Snooki (2) - As it turns out, Snooki is all kinds of knocked up. This girl, who has been seen inslopsicated, getting arrested and hooking up with every douchebag on the Eastern Seaboard over the last 3 years is pregnant. We're talking about a girl who was taking SoCo in a gatorade bottle to work with her, and has frequently been known to leave work to go to the bar. And now she is growing another human inside her. I can't imagine how poor Jionni must feel, sitting next to his now pregnant fiance and watching her whore around all over the place on national tv.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Jersey Shore Power Rankings Season 5 Week 6
A lot less public urination this week, so that was nice.
1. Deena (4) - If it wasn't for helping the guys get laid, Deena would have pretty much no reason to ever be on camera. And it's not that she's not trying to whore around, she just can't find anyone willing to go for it. Here's something that's been bothering me for a while. Meatballs. This is not a flattering term for a girl. Or a guy, but that's neither here nor there. I would think that 99% of girls would take serious offense to being called a meatball, but these 2 idiots take pride in it. Like, are they empower the word maybe? I think in that case, you're supposed to put an 'a' on the end. Meatballa. Regardless, they are meatballs and Deena is absolutely disgusting, and getting progressively worse.
In addition to calling Danny the boss "an annoying", she says "a leopard never sheds its stripes" in reference to Mike.
And what the fuck is going on with her arm!
1. Deena (4) - If it wasn't for helping the guys get laid, Deena would have pretty much no reason to ever be on camera. And it's not that she's not trying to whore around, she just can't find anyone willing to go for it. Here's something that's been bothering me for a while. Meatballs. This is not a flattering term for a girl. Or a guy, but that's neither here nor there. I would think that 99% of girls would take serious offense to being called a meatball, but these 2 idiots take pride in it. Like, are they empower the word maybe? I think in that case, you're supposed to put an 'a' on the end. Meatballa. Regardless, they are meatballs and Deena is absolutely disgusting, and getting progressively worse.
In addition to calling Danny the boss "an annoying", she says "a leopard never sheds its stripes" in reference to Mike.
And what the fuck is going on with her arm!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Jersey Shore Power Rankings Season 5 Week 5
Kind of a weird episode. Mike going off the deep end was the dominant storyline, and it seems like he is on the verge of a full-blown psychological breakdown. So we have that to look forward to. And Snooki pissing herself. That's pretty much it.
1. Situation (6) - Mike is the biggest headcase on the planet. He tries to mask his insecurity with overconfidence, but I think all this time in the spotlight has worn him down. He's finally lost it. Fortunately he has his army of "friends" at Jenkinson's that nobody has ever seen or mentioned or heard of before so he can have a good support group. There is a 110% chance that Mike stayed at Jenks instead of going to the batting cages because he doesn't know how to swing a baseball bat. What he can swing however, is his dick hanging out of his pants while he walks around the house acting weird, apparently. And then at the end of the show he gets all mad saying Snooki betrayed him, which doesn't make sense. Big things coming, I think.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Jersey Shore Power Rankings Season 5 Week 4
I've long admired the guys' ability to just call a cab to get the girls out of there after the smushing is over. But I just this week noticed that they call them a cab and then send their ass outside to wait for the cab. "Welp, I arranged it, not get to the street." Even Paula, who Mike is almost dating, is relegated to wait for the cab on the curb. This is douchebaggery of the highest order. Color me impressed. And welcome back to Vinny, hopefully that was enough time to get your head right.
1. Danny (-) Danny kind of reminds me of 2010 Mike Brown. He's making it look like he's trying to be in charge, but nobody is listening. Everyone in the house openly disregards anything he says, but he's still out there trying to get them to work. It's admirable. And don't forget how much money this guy is making off this whole thing. Probably the most viable long-term earning potential out of anybody on the show.
1. Danny (-) Danny kind of reminds me of 2010 Mike Brown. He's making it look like he's trying to be in charge, but nobody is listening. Everyone in the house openly disregards anything he says, but he's still out there trying to get them to work. It's admirable. And don't forget how much money this guy is making off this whole thing. Probably the most viable long-term earning potential out of anybody on the show.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Challenge: Exes Fantasy League
Because we are a bunch of dorks, a few of my friends and I conducted a fantasy draft over Twitter the other day and are going to be keeping score for the entire season of Challenge: Exes. If for some reason you are reading this and not familiar with the Real World/Road Rules Challenge series. It is an Mtv program in which a bunch of meatheads and skanks live in a house together and compete in various ridiculous physically and (relatively) mentally grueling tasks during their off days of their regular schedule of drinking, fighting, and banging each other. For scoring we will be using the Grantland Rules (obviously that is geared for multiple shows, but you get the idea) and straight points. Here are the results of the snake draft as well as each team captain's reasoning behind making the picks they did.
The Wager
The Wager
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Jersey Shore Power Rankings Season 5 Week 3
First episode of the post-Vinny era. And possibly the last episode of the Situation era if you want to believe the hype. I don't think either of those will last. Sitch isn't going, and I think Vinny will be back in 2 more episodes, max.
1. Pauly D (2) - In this episode, Pauly D has a sad. And how do you deal with sadness on the Jersey Shore? Fuck a stranger, of course! And the more that the stranger looks like someone your friend would have liked, the more you should try to hook up with them. The one night Pauly and Mike both pull girls out of the bar, he says Mike has a grenade, but upon quick glance i think Mike's girl is better and his is a grenade. The tattoo chick was no prize, either. The whole D family comes out for his b-day. Mama Dukes, both Aunt Paulas, Uncle George, and of course Big Jerry. Perhaps the best part of the whole birthday conundrum is that his barber from Rhode Island comes and we finally got to see what Pauly looks like with his hair unspiked. It's really something.
1. Pauly D (2) - In this episode, Pauly D has a sad. And how do you deal with sadness on the Jersey Shore? Fuck a stranger, of course! And the more that the stranger looks like someone your friend would have liked, the more you should try to hook up with them. The one night Pauly and Mike both pull girls out of the bar, he says Mike has a grenade, but upon quick glance i think Mike's girl is better and his is a grenade. The tattoo chick was no prize, either. The whole D family comes out for his b-day. Mama Dukes, both Aunt Paulas, Uncle George, and of course Big Jerry. Perhaps the best part of the whole birthday conundrum is that his barber from Rhode Island comes and we finally got to see what Pauly looks like with his hair unspiked. It's really something.
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