Jersey Shore Power Rankings Season 5 Week 5

Kind of a weird episode. Mike going off the deep end was the dominant storyline, and it seems like he is on the verge of a full-blown psychological breakdown. So we have that to look forward to. And Snooki pissing herself. That's pretty much it.

1. Situation (6) - Mike is the biggest headcase on the planet. He tries to mask his insecurity with overconfidence, but I think all this time in the spotlight has worn him down. He's finally lost it. Fortunately he has his army of "friends" at Jenkinson's that nobody has ever seen or mentioned or heard of before so he can have a good support group. There is a 110% chance that Mike stayed at Jenks instead of going to the batting cages because he doesn't know how to swing a baseball bat. What he can swing however, is his dick hanging out of his pants while he walks around the house acting weird, apparently. And then at the end of the show he gets all mad saying Snooki betrayed him, which doesn't make sense. Big things coming, I think.



2. Snooki (9) - I don't know what to say. She pissed on the floor of the bar and then all over the porch. Just a disgusting act. Then she comes up with the idea to wear 2 pairs of underwear because she doesn't want to piss herself in a thong. Can someone explain this to me. It seems like it would be easier to not wear the thong, just wear booty shorts, and bring a spare pair of drawers in case she does piss herself. She also gets black shit rubbed all over her face. And she wears a rabbit suit and talks in what is in no way a British accent. And when she's at the batting cages she says she likes balls in her face. There were some rumors floating around Twitter last week that she was pregnant. I think even Tebow would agree what to do in that case.


3. Sammi (4) - I'm positive you could pull a 10 year old kid out of one of those Amazon tribes that have never had contact with the industrialized world and in 3 days they would have a better grip on the concept of electricity than Deena and Sammi did.


4. Deena (8) - If I were Deena, I would intentionally try to electrocute myself and just hope that maybe I could get smarter. At one point she said that her and Snooki were dressed pretty nice because "nothing was showing." That is quite the standard. One more thing, and this has been bothering me for a while. If you are a girl, I wouldn't consider being described as a meatball as a good thing. I don't know if they are trying to take a negative and make it their own and turn it positive, but I'm not sure it's working. I think you are supposed to put an "a" on the end in that case. Meatballa. Maybe that will work.


5. Ronnie (7) - Apparently his completely innocent terrorist comment was the straw that broke the camel's back with Mike to where he finally went off the deep end. If he's not going to fight, cry, or dance, I guess I'll take that as the best thing Ronnie can contribute.


6. Vinny (-) Vinny is kind of a non-factor in this episode, but his presence was definitely felt. The whole vibe int he house was better.


7. Rodger (-) - Not really understanding the status of Jenni and Rodger's relationship. They never see each other or hang out or talk to each other but they are still together?


8. Pauly D (2) - The bromance with Vinny is getting a little played out. Get back to banging skanks and sending them on their way with cab fare in the morning.


9. JWoww (10) - Sorry that your giant boyfriend doesn't want to hang out with you. Maybe it's because you're fucking boring now.


10. Warm Beer (-) I have never heard of this. Probably because none of my friends are stupid enough to be tricked.