A combination of vacation, laziness, and a broken laptop have prevented me from doing these the last few weeks. My computer is still broken, and I'm still lazy, but I ran out of money so no more vacation for a while. Should be a back on a regular schedule again. Speaking of regular schedules, you know what's off it's regular schedule now? Snooki's menstrual cycle. (GROSS)
1. Snooki (2) - As it turns out, Snooki is all kinds of knocked up. This girl, who has been seen inslopsicated, getting arrested and hooking up with every douchebag on the Eastern Seaboard over the last 3 years is pregnant. We're talking about a girl who was taking SoCo in a gatorade bottle to work with her, and has frequently been known to leave work to go to the bar. And now she is growing another human inside her. I can't imagine how poor Jionni must feel, sitting next to his now pregnant fiance and watching her whore around all over the place on national tv.
2. Jionni (-) - You fucked up, homie. I don't really get what would possess someone to have sex with Snooki without a condom, but this moron went ahead and impregnated her. Gross. And if that isn't bad enough, now he's trying to wife her up?! Listen bro, this kid is going to be fucked up. There is no amount of "normal parental relationship" that can save this poor little bastard. You'd be better off to just save yourself and do what you can to take care of the kid. Other than that, steer clear. I don't get how he could watch this show week in and week out and somehow thing that she is a candidate for marriage. And how the fuck are your parents out at Karma? Note to everyone, if you are at Karma at the same time as your kid, they might end up fertilizing a Snooki.
3. Situation (6) - I'm getting a little worried about Michael. He seems to be having some Patrick Ewing level perspiration issues while he is out at the bar. Mike's plan to tell Jionni that he hooked up with Snooki has nearly come to fruition. I'm not why the thought is that he needs Unit to confirm the story, I can't imagine a situation where you would make up a story to someone that you DID hook up with their girlfriend. Seems like it might be smarter to go the other way with that, unless you really like getting punched. Also, he actually tipped a delivery guy with a protein shake. Think about that.
4. The Unit (-) - HOW DID THE UNIT GET ARRESTED? Was this just a "danger to yourself or others" scenario or did he do something specific to get arrested? We need more screen time for Unit. He is by far the most interesting person on the show at this point. In fact, if anybody should be getting a spin-off it's him.
5. JWoww (-) - Does she keep saying Klonopin and handcuffs? Is that what is getting bleeped out? I guess nothing says romance like Klonopin and handcuffs. Good to know. I'm really impressed with how Jenni is pushing the limits of what can be considered a shirt. I'm hoping that by the end of the season she is just taping paper plates over her tits. That would be impressive.
6. Pauly D (3) - I don't understand what this new Pauly D show is or why anyone would watch it. Of course, I will probably watch it. I'm getting a little annoyed about the Pauly/Vinny "bromance" plot line. Two roommates are friends. This isn't breaking news or anything.
7. Vinny (5) - I'm glad Vinny isn't moping around anymore, but this hipster phase isn't really doing it for me either. Just get drunk, hook up with sketchy girls and act douchey. Those are the things that entertain me not plaid shirts and skinny jeans.
8. Ronnie (9) - Ronnnie, when he's not fighting with Sam, would actually be tolerable to hang out with. I wouldn't want to, but it wouldn't be as shitty as some of the other guys.
9. Sammi (8) - I liked the part where Sammi said Deena was one of her best friends. Haven't they been in a physical fight before. Now all of a sudden Sam is the defender of Deena's honor. Some fights aren't worth fighting.
10. Deena (1) - You are fucking disgusting. She seriously grosses me out on every level. The way she looks, the way she acts, the way she talks. The fact that some doucher won't bang you even when you are "famous" says an awful lot. Other than Carl from The Walking Dead and running, Deena is the worst.
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