If this really is the end of Vincenzo, it was a good run. The only one who seemed possibly likable in real life. Good luck in your future endeavors.
1. Vinny (2) - I am sad to see Vinny go, but I can't say I blame him. I also feel a little bad about making fun of him if he was having a legit, diagnosed mental problem. I thought he was just being a pussy. But think about it, he's famous. He's not going to get anymore famous this season. What is his incentive to hang around there with those morons he never really fit in with in the first place? I know he's getting paid, but he can still do the party scene and he might be the only one smart enough to write a real book about the whole JS experience. And, I can imagine that Karma is the absolute worst place to be if you are having a panic attack, and self medicating with Ron Ron Juice is probably a pretty bad idea as well. I'd say 2:3 that he will be back.
2. Pauly D (8) - Pauly, um, burnt his face off by excessive tanning? Is that what happened? Then tried to exfoliate or something? This seems like a fairly easily avoidable problem to me. It was nice of him to take Vinny for a mani/pedi to cure his depression and panic attacks. The American psychiatry industry is probably very concerned. If Pauly is going to leave very expensive diamond chains laying around unattended amongst these whores, he should probably learn to treat his hookups a little better when he is going to kick them out directly after completion of the deed. Pauly doesn't even let the girl go to sleep. It is literally a smash and dash, and even an hour wait for a cab is too much. Strictly business, baby. Strictly business. I was impressed that he decided that the solution to the stolen chain problem was to stop using the Smush Room, rather than stop bringing home sketchy ass bar sluts to his own house without properly vetting them first.
3. Shantel the Klepto Whore (-) - I don't even know where to begin with this girl. First of all, do you not realize there are cameras everywhere? Secondly, really, that's enough. THERE ARE LITERALLY CAMERAS EVERYWHERE IN THIS HOUSE, PROBABLY MORE COVERED THAN A BANK WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING TO GET AWAY WITH? I don't know if her plan was to go back to find her shoes, go back to get some more lovin' from Pauly D, or if she was committing larceny and thought better of it. Either way, she's an idiot.
4. Sammi (6) - At one point I believe she said Snnoki was very drunk and abducted. I am not familiar with this terminology. She has been acting very reasonable for quite some time. Frankly, I'm sick of it.
UPDATE: After consulting Urban Dictionary, abducted seems to refer to getting very drunk and acting strange, similar to the "drunk me" and other multiple personality references people like to make these days. The fact I didn't know this means either A) Sammi is smarter than I am, or B) I am getting old and out of touch. Either way, I am sad.
5. Paula (-) - I don't get these girls. Do you really want to be on a very popular television show getting fucked by someone who is widely regarded as one of the biggest douchebags on the planet? She does look pretty great, not that she looked bad before, but damn.
6. Situation (4) - Michael is very upset that he didn't pull a girl out of Karma the first night. But, like Joe Montana in the 4th quarter, he finds the lovely Paula on the way out of the club and the night is saved. Situation needs to stop obsessing over the fact that he hooked up with Snooki. Nothing is going to be solved by alerting Jionni to this or making a big stink about it. It happened. Bury it before it becomes a shit storm.
7. Snooki (3) - Snooki needs to stop acting so weird anytime Jionni and Mike are in the same room. It's going to seem more suspect for you to freak out. Guys are not girls. We will attempt to act friendly even to people we don't necessarily like. I agree with Snooki, though, that Jionni is being unreasonable to expect her to not act like a sloppy drunken whorebag whenever she goes out. Why can't she just accept him for who she is?
8. Ronnie (10) - Ronnie actually tries as best as he can, bless his little heart, to cheer Vinny out. Unfortunately Ronnie has yet to come across a problem in his life that going to a club, lifting, or beating someone up can not cure.
9. Deena (9) - Deena still rolling with the "Golden Ticket" theory. I don't think you're fooling anyone, lady. Always claiming she is such a tough sell until someone is "in the right place at the right time." I am also optimistic that the "I'm not drinking tonight......JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!" joke goes on the whole season. High-fucking-larious.
10. JWoww (7) - Does she get paid the same as everybody else? This is like Rashard Lewis style at this point.
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